Should you change your partners' habits and quirks?

The trend of recent years is naturality in absolutely everything, not just in appearance. Our behavior, manners, character - everything should be demonstrated without embellishment and without secrets, because from men seeking men in Niagara, to women waiting for the only ones in Paris - everyone is unique, different and their charm lies exactly in the special traits. And if someone is uncomfortable with us because of this, this is his or her problem, and the choice is simple: either another person accepts you as you are, or you part. 

But is everything so simple and obvious? Let's figure it out

Make sure you know and accept the person

When it comes to small everyday problems that do not suit you, such as the habit of not washing dishes, or scattering things around the apartment, this can certainly be corrected with a bit of patience and time. 

But when it comes to major changes, things get much more complicated. Therefore, many family psychologists strongly recommend entering into a relationship only if you are completely sure that everything suits you in your partner and you can live with him if he does not change at all.

Make compromises

But if it already happens that you find annoying habits when your relationship has already reached a serious stage, first make sure that this irritating habit or quality of your partner concerns you or your relationship, and does not remain only his personal thing. You may hate his love for playing the drums, but you have no right to demand that he stops doing it. All you can ask him about is not to do it at certain times, or to find a place where he will not bother you.

Then try to determine how serious your disagreement is. Are you talking about a minor everyday habit or his personal quality? Does it drastically affect your mood, state or even well-being? Such analysis will help you understand whether it is worth fighting this quality in a partner, or it is safer and fairer for your relationship to work on its acceptance.

The problem is just him (or her)

Oftentimes we consider that all the problems in our relationships can be explained by the faults and drawbacks of our partner. It's easier, it’s more convenient and, as a rule, it’s not true. That’s why, what you are to do as soon as you start blaming your better half’s bad habits and traits for the issues with your relationships, try paying attention to yourself first. Since no matter how much you ask your partner to change, until you yourself begin to change, there will be no improvements in your life.